Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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