I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drake has all the answers
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
