New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
