not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
