im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
