this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
