he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
