And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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