I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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