His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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