my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
