i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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