Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
