grandma shit on top of the toilet
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
