are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You smell like stripper and shame
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
