Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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