I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize