you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
