I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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