Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
