my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
