well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
