is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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