dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
