Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize