You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
