Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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