Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
