I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
