Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
