your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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