I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Drake has all the answers
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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