I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
God I need to hump something, right now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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