I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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