it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
