Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
