watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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