So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
two words...techno handjob
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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