The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize