Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
