Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
