you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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