your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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