I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
