I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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