Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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