and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
