I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
