i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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