Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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