I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he thought i was a dude.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
