Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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