Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
