can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize