It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
