I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
