i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
