i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
