it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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