Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
