what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
