I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
