Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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