Quick, to the slutcave!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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