you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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