Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
