just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize