Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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