We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
