i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
