I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
