Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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