I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
