Me. At least after what I've been through.
wanna go halves on a baby?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
