Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
