so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
