Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
