Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
