she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
