Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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