Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
