I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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