im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
