I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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