marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
your parents love me but you hate me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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