I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
