just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
