i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize