everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
