FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
