I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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