i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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