I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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