this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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