He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
