I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
