It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
