could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
