Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
