i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
