So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
