so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
