apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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