yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
