I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
