I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
