You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize